so..

i sounded pretty upset in my previous blog.. it was only because i was about to get my period, and that i was thinking about things. i forgot what exactly i was thinking of.. i know it was from eating.. OH now i remember.. you don't need to know. it was about my diet. anyways, i listed about stuff that i didn't like or stuff that i start doing now/who i am really.. and i sounded pretty mad, so.. i'll list stuff about myself on a semi-lighter note, why? because i'm bored:

1. i find the topic of "hookas" annoying to think or talk about; i mean.. if you're going to smoke, do the real thing. it's like hooka-ing is faking what your subconscious really wants to do. i mean.. you're hooka-ing which i'm guessing the feeling is 'getting away from your real life and the whole smoke is making you relax' YEAH.. that's the same feeling as smoking. yeah.. it's bad to do the real smoking, but if you really add up how many times a person hookas (which is 10% tobaco) and like, so many people hooka SO MUCH, so if you really add that up, it's just as much as smoking a real cig. i don't know, i just find it pretty annoying in my point of view.

2. i make myself scared. yeah, pretty stupid huh? along with that, i'm pretty much scared of the dark. why? because.. since i scare myself purposely, i don't like being in the dark. whenever i see a dark hallway, or a dark room, i feel like something is going to pop out of nowhere, like a small demon, ghost or some kind of creature. freaky. and it's stupid how i enjoy watching rare or unknown creatures on television or on the internet, but i hate the thought of actually encountering one. it's scary. even a little picture of something can trigger something in my head into thinking that it's going to happen.

i can't think of any more. 2 is enough. so, have fun reading this.

cool.

Some more things people should know about me:
- I don't enjoy being stood up.
- I'll start holding grudges and I really don't care who it is.
- My patience has ran out, don't mess with it.
- I seem to get irritated easily by certain things.
- Although I smile, inside I'm thinking of ways to severely hurt someone.
- If I'm in a pissed off mood, you'll know.
- I can't wait for my 10 year reunion for high school so that I can bash a few people's heads in.
- I enjoy thinking of what could have been. even if it hurts.
- I like to be pet on the head, but not.. pounded, please. that'll just piss me off.
- If you trick me, punch me, kick me, or anything that deals with something that you think is funny, i'll get you back; but it won't be funny. sorry.
- I get pretty moody at times, especially when I'm about to be on my period (hence doing this blog.)
- I sleep pretty late and wake up early in the morning without any bad problems.
- I don't like the dark, I freak myself out way too much. Yes, I'm pretty much a baby inside.
- I'm starting to think that I'm passive-aggressive, but I still care at the same time.
- I need things to be fair at all times, especially deciding what to do next. For example, if I suggest some place to go, you BETTER suggest another place to go next, if not, I'll get irritated and pissed. don't say, "i don't know.." NO. you DO know where you want to go, but you just don't want to say it. SUGGEST something at least, shit.
- I desire to beat some idiot up, totally. trust me, if only you could see how much anger I am building up inside, it looks like hell is going to burst out. now.. if that ever happened, you'll see me in the WANTED signs and stuff. not cool.
- I'm not the same girl I was last year, not at all; I'm filled with more anger, I know how to stand up for myself, and I'm not scared to do it anymore.
- If I ever see any of my exs that gave me hell, I will do something about them, I just hope someone is there so that they can hold me back. I don't want to go to jail.

i think that's all for now.. this was more of a rant, huh? eh, whatever.. at least you know a little bit more of who i am. i have a test like at.. 9am something.. so wish me luck! :)

(wow, start with sounding like a bitch with ending with a smile.. perfect.)

long.

these are the flowers that mark has surprised me with, let me tell you how it went: I was watching tv in his room, and he came in to give me a bag of my favorite Lay's Chili Limon chips, then he left the room. Then he came back into the room, smiling and holding flowers in his hands, they were still wet. I had a huge smile on my face and I stood up so that he can hand me the flowers and i gave hima long hug and a lot of kisses, I couldn't stop giggling. And at the same time, I couldn't look at him because he made me feel so.. special and happy, i can't really describe it with one word. Anyways, so after, he left to do other stuff, and I was fixing the flowers cutting the stems and putting them in water (that he gave me in a SDSU cup) then I started changing into clothes that I was gonna wear when we leave. So, before we left, we decided to eat a little and I went on the computer, then he came and ask me to change into a dress. So, I went into his room, and looked on the bed because I left my dress that I was going to wear, and it wasn't there. So, I turned around to him and said, "I left my dress--" I didn't finish my sentence cause I saw in the corner of my eye flowers in a blue vase with my favorite candy Ferror Rocher :) And.. I screamed/squeeled out loud. I started laughing and I gave him a whole bunches of kisses & hugs. I'm sure my face was red..
Well, after that whole fiasco with the flowers *wipes blush off of her face*, our original plan was supposed to go to a park to have a picnic, but mark suggested to go to the Hard Rock Cafe in downtown, but since the whole trying to look for parking & the chances of it might raining, he suggested Red Lobsters. So, after we ate at Red Lobsters (which.. we forgot his take home food), we then decided to go to Belmont to play and walk around. There was this one game where you have to climb a pine tree and win an inflatable monkey balloon. There were people watching, and I told mark that he should do it since he likes climbing stuff. but he was scared because people were watching, we watched these other people doing it, and they sucked! anywho, mark said that he would do it for me, but that made me feel guilty! so i told him to do it for himself; if only he wants to do it. so, he decided to take a feel of the pine tree, because it was all kinda prickly and stuff, anyways, when he was giving the guy money, he said, "i'm doing it for you." i was like, "aww... c'mon.." there was this other couple watching with me, and once mark got hooked up and stuff, he started and within not even a minute, he was already on top of the pine tree! NOT EVEN A FULL MINUTE! oh my god.. amazing. just amazing. He won the monkey :) He beat everyone! Sheesh.. losers. anyways! After that, we went to the other side of mission beach and decided to walk on the beach. we were like, "So.. I like long strolls on the beach" hahah, anyways, it was really calming and reminising. It was cute, and I loved it. My knee or ankle started hurting a lot so then we decided to go on the side where the beach houses are at, and take a few pictures there. Until these white/asian douchbags came, one of them kept on looking at me, so me and mark left. After the beach, we went to the mall cause I wanted to try on some dresses, and because I was partially looking for red wedding shoes for my sister's wedding. Not much great things happened at the mall since it is boring, so we went to swirlycup and got 'yogurt'. after, we went home to take a small nap.
After the small nap, we went to mark's job so that he can pick up some gift that his manager gave him. It was funny.. because when we were getting out of the car, he saw his old co-workers, Mhij & Kim, and Kim said, "You're cheap!" mark asked "What do you mean?" and Kim said, "You're bringing your girlfriend to McDonalds?" hahaha xD Anyways, we went inside and his other coworkers said the same thing. Anyways, after, we headed to Marynell & Ian's place so that we can go on a double date to some italian place. Their food is really good. There was this one guy, I think he's the manager of the place, and when we were leaving, he said that he'll take us to a place in the back of the restaurant only for VIPs with a great background, and that he can take out pictures there.
which is this picture. i didn't know when to smile. ): anyways, after, we took all these random pictures and was thinking of what to do next. So, mark suggested La Bella an arcade/pizza place, like a mini Dave & Busters. Anyways, we hung out there, played a few games , but mark wanted to play pool, so him and ian decided to reserve a pool table for an hour. Ian and Mark played while me and Marynell watched and had some girl talk. Then when it was Marynell's turn to play, it was only me and mark watching. He tried asking me to play, but I didn't want too. After the hour, we went to Marynell & Ian's place to hangout and watch youtube stuff and talk. At 1:40am, we ended up leaving.




Mark makes me LOVE valentines day all over again. :) i love you, baby.

stupid shit heads.

stupid little girls who think that they're all that shit.
stupid internet connection that didn't let me say 'goodnight and i love you' to my boyfriend.
stupid little kids who have these awesome fuckin' cameras and not driving licenses.
stupid little shit heads that think they can boss people around.
stupid people who think that they're all fuckin' cool and shit.
stupid fuckin' people who don't reply back to emails about jobs.
stupid government spending everybody's hard working money.
stupid asians who think that they're all that shit with their asianese-shit.
stupid little fuckin' girls who calls other people bitches and hoes just cause it's funny.
no bitch. it's not funny.
stupid little fuckin' girls who think kicking and punching is funny.
no bitch. it's not funny.
stupid little girls who think they can't get hurt back.
no bitch, you can.
stupid girls who uses people as their driving bitches.
no bitches, learn how to fuckin' respect.
do you drive? no, you don't.
do you give any people gas money? no, you don't.
do you respect your elders? no, you don't.
are you ungrateful? yes bitch, you fuckin' are.
learn how to drive, then we're going to teach you some lesson, bitch.
do you think kicking or punching me is funny? no bitch, it's not.
do you think calling me an ugly hoe, i look like a guy, or a bitch is entertaining? no bitch, it's not.

i swear, these people and things are so fuckin' stupid they need a punch to the face. usually, i dislike how much i want to hurt people, but these are the reasons why. this isn't stupidity at it's best, really. but it's getting there. fuck, really? grow up. stupid idiots. morons. BITCHES. one day, i SWEAR, i'll fuckin' teach you girls a lesson.

shut the fuck up you little bitches. damn.. i hate ungrateful little bitches who think that they're all that shit. no. they're not. they're just little bitches who don't understand anything.

her: you know we could've gotten new phones if we didn't pay for his school.
her: new phones!
her: it's all cause of him and the accident and his school.

you selfish little bitch. he fuckin' drives you around, he fuckin' pays for your food, he fuckin' protects you from sex-freaked little boys. and all you can repay him back is being a little selfish bitch? no. you shouldn't be a sister, really. you ungrateful bitch. you don't deserve to be his little sister. grow up. see how it's like to be in his footsteps.

"his money, is my money."

although you're his mom, you're a bitch. NO, his money ISN'T your goddamn money. HIS money is HIS. he makes HIS own money and he should keep HIS own money. bitch don't know a thing! selfish is the word for the family, I swear. I mean, there's only 2 girls who are almost as grateful as they should be.. Man..

DUDE! just shut the fuck up! my god. idiots! so fuckin' idiots! he deserves better! he deserves someone that gives him respect, gratitude, love, care and consideration. those bitches don't know a fuckin' thing. shit fuckers. eat some shit and grow up.

stress & frustrations.

1. School:
11 units. Before it was 14 units. 11 units. I had freakin' 14 goddamn units! is 11 units even counted as a full time student? is not, then fuck! i'm pissed about it, and i'm stressing to find a class that will accept me. but i all the classes are closed already and i HATE the thought of crashing a class this late in the semester. and plus, if i don't have 12 units, then my VA bill will charge me and my family for all my classes, which is around $200 and right now, we're low on money. the VA bill only pays full payment for the classes if you're only a fulltime student with 12 units. if not, then they charge you.

2. Money/Job:
i barely have money, and whenever i do, i spend it on gas, or i let my brother or mom borrow money. for the past YEAR, i've been looking for a goddamn job. but since this whole economy shit is happening, no one is hiring me. i've applied for borders about 10+ times, petco, petsmart, fry's, office depot, target, wal-mart, sycuan, jobs on craigslist & monster. and NO ONE has replied back to me.

3. Family:
i've been having family issues lately; what a great time to start off the year. it's making me think that i should quit going to school and spend my time finding a job. i don't want to quit school, because i know that it'll benefit me in the end. but i want to so that i can help my family. i'm hating this thought, but i can't help it.

4. Boyfriend:
All these stress and frustration is making me need to stay home and away from my boyfriend. i need him more than anything. he's my savior whenever i need to be save. but my family needs me, and i need to be there for them. it hurts to not see my boyfriend, really. and it makes me sad whenever i don't see him, but responsibilities are responsibilities, and my family needs me.

5. God:
long time ago, God answered my prayers when I prayed for someone to love me, and it worked! But now, God isn't listening to my prayers anymore. I thought God is supposed to help you, and be your savior? he's not answering my prays. i know that God is helping and answering other's prayers, but can I be one of them yet? please?



right now, i just wish everything can just be back to normal.